GOD I can't wait to do drugs again

just to be free and walk to the store buy a 40 and drink it all day long

to have a little bud and take a gravity bong hit

I want that paranoid feeling like my neighbor is going to see me the next day and tell me I need to quit smoking that funny stuff

I want to feel like im being too loud while im making no noise at all but a concert level of loudness thoughts play out in my head

I want to not be hungry  smoke then fight having to eat because munchies

I want to build a tolerance

I want to pass out from 2 hits wake up take another 2 hits and pass out and keep passing out until i'm so tired it wakes me up to smoke

I want to enjoy new and old music

I want to smoke while I take a shower and stand with the water running on my face and head like time has no meaning

I want to smoke and look at my cats and create new bonds and new feelings of affection with them where it looks like nothing has changed to them im tripping and they probably know something is up but they just behave normally

I want to set a day to clean and smoke right before and waste the entire high cleaning then as the high wears off take another hit and play some 11

I want to smoke pass out wake up smoke play 11 pass out wake up smoke play 11 rinse and repeat for as long as possible

but most of all I want to build a tolerance and get to the point I dont pass out and it wakes me up

I want to be high and cook on my stove

I want to mix smoking gravity hits and cigs just to see what that feels like but I bet as soon as I smoke some weed i'll be like WTF WHY WAS I SO STUPID TO SMOKE CIGS IM NEVER SMOKING THEM AGAIN then wait a day or two and smoke one anyways just because I like them and I forget I was so against them and how stupid they are I just lose that resistance

the things I hate doing so much right now and are so hard for me to do all I have to do is smoke weed and it's like an entire different situation where I like doing those chores

I've got 11 months to go

and everything depends on ssi going up because 

mhmr wont help, rental assistance wont help, I wont ask my dad, my mom is refusing to help, i've already asked the one other person I can ask

I have no one that'll help me not a single person

and if ssi doesn't go up i'll need $200 and I have no one 

so eh i'm not stressing about it

I am because i'll be homeless

but what's the point of stressing

just staying hopeful someone at social security will actually do the right thing with my case like they should of all along

last month went up to what it should of been

now this month should be the full amount

but will anyone that works on my case actually do that.. who knows