I smoked because I was depressed borderline suicidal 

It made me better

Then I smoked to open my mind and get better at gaming and coding

I did that

Then I smoked to party and make money

I did 

Then somewhere in making money

It moved to smoking to not hurt my family 

Eventually the family worked me without paying me and I couldn’t afford the weed

So when the pot finally ran out

I beat on my family

Then I went to jail for a long time and got an even longer time on probation 

My grandma died my grandpa and I have a protective order and my mom + sister and I are closer than ever before

I can’t wait to smoke to play video games and smoke to eat and smoke to sleep

I got so fed up of smoking to not hurt the people I loved

And now that I’m all on my own

It is going to be so much fun to smoke and a year

Scromiting 

Cannabanoid hypermesis syndrome

I’ve talked about it before

I was told I had it by a doctor

They wanted me to stop smoking

I didn’t believe them

And made a long post detailing the struggle of living with an elderly man and how everything he did and wanted was just a vehicle to complete overload of stress for me

How the syndrome is just a way for older folks to get younger adults to stop smoking weed

So they can continue running the show without interference 

They need us but they need us to do things for them

Mind you this is just if you live with someone elderly

Long story short

I came to the conclusion we are at maximum stress

And it doesn’t have to do anything with the thc

But the stress is what causes the need to vomit and take showers

Because when I moved out it was like I was instantly cured

To get away from all that stress instantly allowed me to smoke and eat

Not just have to choose one

I don’t believe it

No cases before the year 2000

It isn’t a real thing

Plenty of people smoked and ate before 2000s

It’s clearly an attempt at control

The older folks needing the younger folks

Then the stress from the world

If you get this and you live alone idk

But if you get this and you have a hound living with you

I recommend moving out

Then being able to smoke all you want eat all you want

And lower the stress alone you completely recover

Even if ur taking 10 baths and showers a day

And eating in the bathtub

And still throwing up a few times a day

It isn’t worse than to stop smoking and drinking

God lol

It would be inconceivable for something to be so bad it’s worth not smoking pot or drinking beer

Something and about the only thing

Prison

Then definitely take a few years off

But a little vomit and some pain in the abdomen 

Just eat in the bathtub take multiple showers

Throw up a few times a day

But smoke as much as you can same with drinking

It’s not worth quitting

You’re already in the real world living a real life by that point

And on top of that

There’s basically no quitting

Until the pain goes away or faced with prison

You literally cannot just quit if it is happening

You have to move out or go to jail for 100+ days

 14 months to go

Just hoping 2026 goes by fast

Then I’ll only have 2 months wooo woooo !!

Not much else to say

14 months to go

Get out of winter get done with summer then it’ll be winter and 2026 done

Basically comes down to having as few stressful or rut moments as possible 

I’m finally about to be out of this rut I’ve been in for 2 weeks

Ssi going down 500. Hopefully it goes back up for January 

I’ll find out in a few days

Then I can finally start buying more food and saving for a pound

I want three pounds not too much but a good amount

So so ready to get to a few months in the future

Tired of working so hard and having nothing

Just need to make it another week or so and I’ll be back

My new song

 Okay this is the lyrics to a song and music video in a dream I just had

It basically describes being able to have any type of girl

As long as you go to college for 4 years

“Woaaahh obbb is that the clothes you like

Woaaahh ohh is that the hair you like

You can have it all

Just gotta go for that four years and you can have it all

Picked her up took her to long horns got it all

Picked her up had to go to Taco Bell got in a fight with mom

Back in college

Woaaahh ohh is that the clothes you like

Woahh ohh is that the hair you like

You can have it all

Just gotta go for that four years

Hey I want you to go with me

Just one thing

What?

I want a kiss

*Kiss*

*Pick her up and wrap around me* “

Then it just kept repeating and getting more girls

Smooth

Right now it's just waiting for the 10th

for when the 10th rolls around

10th is my next supervision appointment

I don't have enough money to pay my fees rn

but i'll get a check before then and I can probably cash it right before I go

then i'll have enough

the end of this month and first half of december was and is going to be pretty tough

ssi went down $500 because I ended up with three work checks for october

but ssi should go back up by january I hope

I hope so much it was just because I got those 3 checks instead of the normal two and it does go back up

otherwise i'm screwed 

as far as fees go

I owe 265 to court costs and I owe 960 to supervision

I had the money to pay court costs but since ssi got lowered for december I ended up spending it on food which was a much better choice because I can actually feed myself

I dont just have court costs paid and zero dollars for food then wind up starving to death lol

so not setting any dates but right now if I pay the 265 and I pay the 180 over that I can pay 960-180=780

I would owe 780 and at the quickest it would take like 13 months to pay that off paying 60 a month

but 780 isn't THAT much money it's about a month of saving so give me 2 or 3 months and I should be able to make it easy

10th i'll get my normal check which is about 370 I'll end up spending about $70 for fees and bills

then i'll be sitting at 300 24th i'll get my next check which puts me at 670 and around 24th maybe 25th i'll get my next check which i'm guessing will be for 780 680 to rent and bills leaving me with 100 so 770

not quite enough to place my first order since I do need to set some to the side for fees

but maybe the first check in january

unless I want to play extra safe and just keep waiting

I was thinking about saving up to 2,000 paying my fees and placing my order

but I really have no idea

I love having the extra money and getting to eat nice

but if I spend the extra money to eat nice or I eat cheaper dollar tree food both ways it fills me up and I can make a poop or go to sleep lol the difference is like $10 for a meal or $2 for a meal and both do the same thing and both taste pretty darn good

december puts me at 14 months to go

not bad when you consider I have been putting up with this for 29 months so far

to put it all in perspective

a little over 2/3 of the way done

january i'll be at 13 months to go 30 months done

then it just keeps getting better

by the time winter is over and summer is blazing in around august i'll have 6 months to go 

august 6 months to go 37 months done

but august is pretty far away so that's just looking out

still 37 months done 6 months to go, that's something to look forward to

my biggest concern is if I can keep my job for that long lol

I'm getting to the point I dont really need my job

but it is pretty easy work and good money

so I 100% do not want to lose it

just keep getting support from my girls

keep going, being on time, leaving at my time, doing the work

I should be good

and I still don't know if i'm required to hold a job for supervision

as far as the weed goes

January I can make my first order, not sure if I will

but besides january that gives me 10 months to make money and place orders

considering the hemp ban will take place nov 2026 but hopefully something happens before then to stop it, and it looks like Texas is already planning on keeping the hemp moving, which is great

Done some updates to upbe4t.com

Gearing up to apply for ads again, what that means is: I need to do a lot of rereading and updating pages and posts to add quality content

I'll be doing this for the next few days.

Long time since an update post

Everything going good

Well mostly

Hemp got banned federally 

Support your local black market 

I still plan on ordering a little bit

Ban goes into effect nov 2026

I don’t get off probation until February or march 2027

Keep that section short and sweet

Ffxi is going great

Vanabout going on rn a great way to get deeds for mon trust he is so good and it seems like everyone has now so it’s time for me to get serious about it

Besides doing the daily vanabout stuff

I do dynad solo or low man daily farms for Gil 

I also dig on 8 chars

Upbeat is rank 9 and the other chars are rank 5

Just waiting to get past rank 5 because around 6 or 7 it speeds up drastically 

The difference in 5 mins and 3 mins doesn’t seem much but when ur doing it on 8 chars that’s the difference in 40 mins and 24 mins so a pretty big difference 

Higher levels 7-10 are a lot more digs but you have much higher accuracy so even though it is more digs it feels faster than 4-5

Dyna d nets me about 1m per run and I can solo easily on bst

Posted some videos of it on YouTube 

I have been asking ls if anyone wants to join and take them with me

But it eats into my profit so I think I’m going to stop asking

Probation 

I started may 2025 it’s been 7 months I still have 5 months until I’ve been on a year

I got 2 years so 17 months to go

But I consider it 15 

I either get off in February 2027 if judge approves time served or march 2027 if judge denies time served

So best case scenario 

December 1, January- December 12, January and march 2 for 15

Not smoking or drinking is easy

I’m glad I can say I don’t need to smoke and stopping that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but it isn’t that glorious since I just smoke cigarettes now it’s not like I stopped smoking weed and just quit smoking I just took a really long break from weed and moved to cigarettes 

Started smoking menthols I still smoke reds too but I really like how smooth and cool the menthols are they feel superior 

Hemp ban, ffxi dailies, probation 

What else

Work

It’s going. I like my schedule but that’s going to change soon

Hopefully I like the change

Working 6 hours a day 3 days a week so that gives me 4 days to focus on 11

But around thanksgiving I’m dropping to 2 days a week and the manager wants me to work more hours each day

So maybe like 9 hours a day on those 2 days

But I’ll probably get sent home early most of the time because all the work is done

Although I can probably milk the clock doing little things like picking up trash

Ohhh and why it isn’t so great

My ssi went down :( 500 dollars down !!!

I think it’s because in October I got 3 checks and they added everything up to find out what I would be paid

That’s fine it’s just that December is going to be very close 

Rent bills 11 cigs probation fee

Ugh

But on the bright side ebt went up $40 it won’t make much of a difference but it is something 

Hoping for January my ssi goes back up to the normal amount

If it stays low I’m basically screwed

I’ll have to ask someone for a loan unless I save everything dollar which I would rather do than asking for a loan

I have $80 I’ll get paid 370 and 360 so  80+370+360=810 

810-600=210 210-80=130 130-50=80 80-60=20 I’m going to ask my mom to help by paying my phone so

20+30=50 then last but not least ffxi 50-21=29 so $29 for 2 whole weeks lol

I also have some ebt only $16

So I’ve got to make it 2 weeks with $45

Good thing I just spent $100 at the dollar store on food

Enough about budgeting and finances 

Food situation is great right now

I’ve got fresh fruit

Oranges apples grapes

I got turkey breast and bologna 

I’ve got hamburger buns bread and tortillas 

I’ve got about 40 packs of ramen

I’ve got tuna packs I’ve got hot wings I’ve got 3 pizzas

I’ve got eggos oatmeal toaster studles and eggs for breakfast 

I’ve got hamburger patties 

I have a box of tea packets I have sugar

And I have pink lemonade water flavoring 

I don’t think I’ve ever spent 100 and got so much stuff

It’s nearly the end of November and I still sleep with my ac set to 62 lol

I wear shorts to work in November lol

Sometimes I run my heater in the morning to get up but that’s it

I can’t wait until I run my heater for most of the day

Probably around the end of December or January 

This is a strange year November the 22 and it isn’t even cold yet

Makes me think it’ll be cold longer but I pretty much know it warms up in April

Just think once winter is over we’ve got like 2 months and it’s summer

Then during the entire summer I’ll hopefully have my awesome ac unless something terrible happens

So every day in the hot Texas summer weather I’ll be able to come home to a chilly apartment 

That’s exciting

22nd and landlord still hasn’t came to pick up rent. That means I’ve had rent for 27 days and he hasn’t shown up lol 

I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t come until next month is due and I wind up paying 2 months of rent at once

No one wants to hold that much money for that long when it’s a necessity lol

Well it’s 4am I have to be up by 10am I took a 3 hour nap when I got home today I’m not tired at all

But I just turned my ac to 62 and it’s cooling off so I’m going to try to get some sleep

Just haven’t felt like anything interesting has happened

Mostly all the same stuff

Just doing all I can to get through the days quicker

Have the weeks and months fly so I can get back to smoking what I want

I want to smoke but it’s weird

I don’t really want to smoke weed I can’t even imagine what it does besides what I remember which is basically making everything perfect and better 

Ffxi food sleep movies music work cleaning budgeting showering

And the weird feeling of like having echolocation 

Where it’s like your sitting in your apartment alone and you are so high you can feel the people around you and even far away know your high because patterns or numbers in their normal work routine 

To smoke habitually for 12 years then wing yourself off for about a year then go 2 more years without smoking at all and find zero benefits to not smoking then finally after 3 years start back up again

I’m so excited 

I’m going to be primarily a blunt smoker this go around

I want dabs but it’s kinda intrusive when I make them it smells everything up

And I don’t think I want a bong or a pipe

I just want to smoke blunts lol

Never cared much for joints

And I’m good at rolling blunts

And the accomplishment aspect of doing the entire probation duration without smoking or drinking once. I should get a gold star or an achievement if I can pull that off

Looking at it like it’s something that every smoker goes through eventually and just how hard are you going to make it on yourself

And the accomplishment of actually making it 2 years

So cool if I take anything from probation I want to be able to say I didn’t smoke for 2 solid years

Which is why I don’t want to smoke right now

But the day they say I can

Which they never do you just have to believe in god

Yeah I’m going to be smoking until I pass out waking up and smoking until I pass out again

It’s going to be like I work my 2 days then the other 5 days go by in 5 mins and I’m already back at work for the 2 days because all I do when I’m off is smoke until I pass out wake up and repeat 

Hopefully ffxi can keep me focused while I’m high as I can possibly get to make the off days feel a little longer at least

It’s like I enjoy myself I like what I do but I don’t really have fun

When I’m doing what I do now plus drinking plus smoking I’m going to be having so much fun the most fun I’ve ever had

It’s going to go by so much faster 

And that’s my update for now

Thank you