12/29/2025

little update

not much to talk about but I may ramble at the end so it could get long maybe idk I just type and post

It's the 29th  3 days until the first woooo

I'm at 9 months in probation

had my doctors appointment and injection today that was fine

turned in my check stubs for ssi

hopefully they actually look at them this month so I can get my full amount

I really need to call the office in the morning and get schedule a meeting to tell them what I actually made so I can get that money back

no urges to smoke or drink

but I do dream of smoking almost every single night

where I just find myself with a blunt or bong and i'm instantly hitting it

and I get hella paranoid in my dream and know for a fact it's going to show on my next drug test

then I instantly wake up and say "oh thank god I just woke up there's no way I smoked"

so I know i'm not going to smoke but it puts that fear in me every single night

pretty bad I want to smoke so much that I dream about it every single night lol

I get my check on the 8th and plan on spending pretty much all of it to finish off court costs

rn I have $100 and I don't plan on spending any of it and keeping it until the 8th

but that's 10 days away and I know it'll be hard to resist buying food

then it only takes like 3 or 4 meals to equal $100 so I probably won't have any of that 100 by the time the 8th rolls around, still, I'm going to try

everything going pretty slow right now the days are kinda flying by but it feels slow

I just need something to make it really feel like the days are flying by

getting bored of daily cp/ep parties in 11 and cp/ep is really the only thing I am doing so that kinda stinks that i'm getting tired of it. hopefully I start enjoying it more again

only 450 more job points to reach 10,000 for my mythic weapon augments

that'll be nice

I've been shouting all day to try to buy voodoo pants and voodoo gloves because they look pretty good for a bst tp set with the gear I already have but no bites :( waiting for a ls member to log on that has the smithing escutcheon and hopefully I can pay them to make both pieces for me

really all I want to do is smoke weed and i'm just getting upset that I can't do it and it slow everything down

I've been smoking more cigarettes lately and that's a major bummer but I know it's because I want to smoke weed so badly

I bought 3 packs today so I should be good for a little over a week

I really don't smoke that much, a pack can last 2 to 3 days

I know some people up at the hotel can smoke 3 packs a day and that's just crazy to me

basically just praying I can pay off and save up for all my fees

and still have enough time to place some orders before all the websites close but mainly the website I want to order from before they close

it would be a lot sooner that I could place my order if I get the ssi thing straightened out

I want to call as soon as the office opens, my mom doesn't have faith in me, she doesn't think I'll do it

maybe she used reverse psychology but I really want to do it and try to get the money I think I need to get

the way ssi works is they have a really strange way of calculating what money gets taken out of your check based on how much money you make at your job

they do the calculation 2 months behind what month you get your check

so for december it made sense I got a lower amount because october was a 3 paycheck month

but for january to be so low and the number so far off from my actual check

it looks like they didnt look at my checks they just took the numbers from what i made in october

which was a 3 paycheck month not a 2 paycheck month like they usually are

so I pretty much feel that's what it was

just need to call and say something before it is too late

work is going good, getting to work on time, working hard

off days going great enjoy the extra sleep and spending time with my girls

my girls are doing awesome

I'm finally starting to enjoy music again

I just wish I could smoke weed and do all my usual things :(

may 1 june 2 july 3 august 4 september 5 october 6 november 7 december 8 january 9

24-9= 15 -2 = 13

13 months to go

february = 12 months to go

really excited to get this next paycheck and pay off the court costs

that'll be a huge accomplishment to get that done

then my next paycheck goes to paying the 180 so I can be ahead

don't ever have to worry about court costs again

i'll be 180 ahead of supervision

still have to make 60 payments each month

but 60 compared to 110 is a lot easier on my budget

start saving up for the last little bit I owe

start saving up to order the green I want

hopefully have an order here in the next few months

just praying to god I can get it done before they shut down the market

obviously it gets banned in november but the markets could shut down any day

which makes me want to save my money and not pay off the court costs and spend the 180 extra on supervision

but I need to do that asap and I want to do it asap too so it would make me happy

now If I pay off court costs and they announce that day the markets close i'll be furious but there's nothing I can do about it

if I can just get 3 pounds 

just 3 pounds

that's enough to last me an entire year smoking absolutely or more what i want to smoke

at my heaviest smoking it was about 6 grams a day

and 3 pounds is enough to smoke 5 grams a day every day for an entire year

GOD that sounds like heaven on earth lol or just heaven in the sky even

13 months to go

10 more months that the market is open 

just PLEASE let the markets stay open until I can get money and not all shut down early lol

hahahahahaha

that's all i'm asking for right now PLEASE stay open until I can make my 3 orders

getting court costs paid off is going to be the biggest accomplishment in a long time

probably since community service got done and that was months ago

everything is working out exactly as I planned

now I just need to get that money i'm missing from ssi

then I could pay everything off easy peasy

they have sent me a check in the middle of the month because they sent the wrong amount

I'm hoping they do that again because it was wrong this time

but I really think I need to call to let them know because if I don't and they don't just send one

they take money away and it goes to what I owe like nothing

but if they make a mistake which anyone can do they need to give that money haha

if I got a 200 check I could pay the 180 then with my check pay the court costs

then have all that done already this month

then I would already have a little saved for the rest of the fees

a few months ahead

then I could start saving for my order this month already

which means next month I could place a order

I'd probably wait until march so I could get the high quality stuff

but basically it's the time crunch of needing to order before the websites liquidate everything and shut down

looking back

it is pretty cool the united states had this little blip

we've been so anti thc for 50+ years

and all of a sudden for 7 years we got all the weed we wanted

the sky didn't fall no one died the market didn't crash

we all got to enjoy it and love it

now they take it away but we did get to live in a green america for a few years