13 and 14 has always been my favorite and most attractive since as early as I can remember around 5 years old

All through elementary middle and high school

At a party I was about 15 there was 13 year old girls doing excessive keg stands one girl did about 15

Eventually one of the older girls stripped her and threw her in the shower

I ran from the bed to the restroom faster than I had ever moved in my life to take a peek

It was in a hotel and most people were spending the night there

That was the best party I’ve ever been to for that reason

Which of course I wasn’t invited to anymore parties because I was so inclined to peek

And I didn’t drink a single drop of alcohol lol

Well after graduation and college it was still my preferred look

From 18-23 I was pretty lucky had a big house lived right next to a college always had acid beer and weed

Looking at the little 13 and 14 year old cheerleaders on insta YouTube and Pinterest

Felt like I could be their older mentor that they wanted to be around

To teach and protect

Fast forward to me being 32 and I realize I have a problem

I’ve never acted on it I don’t think I could I’ve been to jail for 4 months before and the thought of prison for 15+ years from one night isn’t worth it

People say they aren’t sexually attractive but I find them the most sexually attractive 

I know I have a problem

I’ve tried everything to not look at them like that

My best sexual experience was with my second serious girlfriend 

We tried to have sex for the first time and my penis couldn’t fit inside her

I tried guiding it in. We probably tried for like 45 mins

I’d put it up then try to guide it in with my fingers and it would just slip up or down

She was too small for me to even fit it in

And that lives rent free in my head

And wanting to experience that again

It felt so good

Probably better than sex ever felt

Then I got told I just wanted to have sex to jerk off inside of her which made me completely reconsider what sex even was. It’s not a replacement for a hand or hands it’s supposed to be sharing energy

Up until that point I thought I was supposed to just go back and forth until I came. I had done the energy sharing but it was a rare occurrence the girl would do anything besides just lay there and let me jerk off inside her lol

I want to feel it not go in because it doesn’t fit and me and her have to work together to actually get it to fit in like we are training and exercising for some competition 

Then in my 30s I can’t even get off to looking at x content

I get a more satisfying feeling from watching teens accomplish things they’ve been practicing on like competitions or skills

And that feels sick

But it also feels more healthy 

I have no freaking idea

I just stay alone with my cats

No matter what I’m going to be wrong even if I listen to my gut and use my brain in my head on top

And as I get older I get sicker lol

There’s a girl at the hotel and if I don’t work there I would of already asked to buy a pair of her underwear 

She just looks like she smells good

She’s borderline homeless and nearly killed someone for stealing her cigarettes 

But she’s got the small body yet tall. I bet I would like them.

I just don’t want to ask then her tell my manager and I get fired for sexual assault or something harassment or whatever