in the next 10-11 months i'm most excited about being able to take a break from cigarettes

getting to smoke pot again is my #1 thing im looking forward to

getting an 18-30 pack of budlight but maybe a 6 or 12 pack of some better quality is a close second landshark or busch light  I really would like something like a 24 pack of landshark more than anything else

and getting some ol no.7 and coca cola will come right afterwards

I can't wait to play horizon xi super duper high high

get my bathtub full have my gravity and some beers and just smoke and drink until I can't anymore

then climb in bed and get on 11

I can't wait to really see how light weight i've become and getting up some tolerance

it's only going to take like 4 bong rips a day to be toasted

but I want to persevere and take like 4 rips my first sess

4 bong rips and like 6 beers in the first hour as soon as I wake up from like a 12 hour nap

either I get wired and stay up hours and hours smoking and drinking

or I pass smooth out in like 45 mins for another 8 hours hahahahahaha

I don't really want or dream about drinking beer or whiskey

and I don't really want to smoke bud throughout the day

but I do dream about smoking bud nearly every night

I know i've invested too much time, done too much work, paid too much money, and tried too many times to get away with smoking bud while on probation

so that really deters me from even wanting to

but like I said I dream about it almost every night

15 more days until I get my food stamps again

i've got 10 more tv dinners, some eggs, some tea, about $20 left to spend

it has been so glorious not wanting food and not having money to get more

im not sure what i'll get this next time

probably more tv dinners and salads for sure though that was a good set up

but I dont like that the salads are like 4.50 that is a killer  maybe i'll look for some cheaper salads

one of those salads had bacon grilled chicken and preshelled sunflower seeds  it was epic

i gotta clean my apt but I get so bummed one of my 3 cats wont pee in the box so I have like 3 spots she just constantly pees at and I have to do all the dishes so I can mop and the idea alone amps up my laziness

I'm ready to be high with extra bud drinking a beer and cleaning my apt like it has never been dirty once

so what's holding me back

ssi still hasn't gone up to the right amount I won't even know if this next payment will go up until like the 25th when I can check

my landlord is tired of me being behind

if my landlord decides he is done with me and I get evicted

that means i'll lose my probation and boom prison time

#1 I need ssi to go then all problems are solved

#2 I just hope my landlord doesn't evict me

my rent is 600/month I have 410 and my dad said he would give me the 190 but I haven't heard from him since he said he was going to send it

my mom said he might not today and he really might not

i'm just staying hopeful he doesn't change his mind

as soon as ssi goes back up to 890 EVERYTHING IS PERFECT

last time it took like 3 months to get it to go up once

if it takes another 3 months i'm basically right there at being evicted

but if it doesn't go up this month i'll call and make another investigation get started because that's bs

if it does go up when I check around the 25th yall be the first to know

I checked today and it still said 560 but I check everyday last month and it didn't change until the 24th so i'm staying positive

I feel like it should I know it should I feel like I know it will

but for some reason I feel like when I say I know it will go up

it doesn't

so i say i'm positive and hopeful but that seems like it won't

so it's a lose lose if I know it will it won't if i'm positive but unsure it won't

it just needs to go up

so I can stop stressing and being depressed